Tuesday, September 30, 2008
it's strange how you can turn my day around. but in a way it's great i guess:) i wouldn't want to have any other way. and we're one step closer to our plan!
i can't believe mid terms is next week but i'm not feeling the exam atmosphere. wonder if it's good or bad. so much econs to study but luckily the other subjects are actually fine. it's nice to make friends in school too. i really appreciate the company. i realise i have this queer thing about me - when i see like a friend or classmate i tend to not go up to the person though we're both alone because i'm afraid i don't know what to say to entertain the person haha.
bull's eye
love you like a sister;
12:06 am
Sunday, September 28, 2008
eveytime after counting, i wonder whether to feel happy or sad. most of the time i'm happy but there's always this nagging sadness within me. and i have to conceal it. i have to cry secretly. i don't want to show any signs of weakness because i chose this. i want to stick with it because i believe in it. i should stop being a wimp. i'm still trying. how come you never understand that i'm being normal? i guess it's me starting it again.
now i know when i felt for person x i was actually feeling for myself totally.
and another thing. i have been encouraging myself and drumming up my courage to go talk to you everytime i see you online but then it's been too long and a tad bit too weird right. i've told douya many times i will do it but i don't even know why it is so hard. why is it so easy for me to talk to anyone else but you. and it's not even that we left off on a bad note. we just disappeared from each others' life and just like that, we threw our friendship away.
douya's entry was thought-provoking. i do think that as we get older we get more guarded too because we're too aware of the different types of people around and who we want to filter which indirectly is kind of picking your friends afterall.
love you like a sister;
3:34 pm
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
work is starting to pile up and it's getting increasingly stressful with datelines to meet and stuff. i'm trying hard to keep up. to concentrate, focus and pay attention. but yet it's damn hard to even concentrate hard during lectures. my concentration keeps getting cut off almost too often and it makes me feel like tsk-ing to myself. okay i think i must be annoyed. aaaahhhhh come on where are the friends i'm supposed to make in school? the ones like you dear ones who work in sync together.
happy being me?
love you like a sister;
10:47 pm
Sunday, September 21, 2008
today is a good day! :D even though we didn't do much at least i had ample time to just look at you:) i'm looking forward so much to those days. quick come please! and i have this tendency of counting down to stuff it seems.
i hope all your lives are going well. wq, gwen told me you're always mugging in school haha. i'm trying to picture it. and see you guys monday! :D wait for me ya!
love you like a sister;
2:42 am
Friday, September 19, 2008
wow i was looking at the newspaper and i saw sasha on a tiffany and co ad! first prada now this gosh shes just so unique looking and attractive haha. okay i know cherie and douya are going to say what i pray to her all whatever. haha.
love you like a sister;
1:06 am
Monday, September 15, 2008
i'm liking this new series called Privileged that kind of reminds me of the chick lit book The Nannies. Only one episode is out but it's been pretty good! and i'll be trying 90210 and hope it's nice too!
love you like a sister;
11:50 pm
hmmm it feels kind of weird to be planning an essay on elitism in singappore's education system considering i was kind of considered the elite before but not anymore? so weird. haha. omg you just made me so happy i hope it wasn't for nothing.
love you like a sister;
3:11 am
Friday, September 12, 2008
yesterday was a happy day :D and i hope things remain like that forever. you said it will and i'll choose to believe you. and antm cycle 11 is finally here!
love you like a sister;
2:54 pm
Sunday, September 07, 2008
sometimes, i hate my parents to the core. and no one ever understands. first of all, they don't even like me. during my lessons in ub, my coursemates say or write about how they are glad they have supportive parents who are always behind them in whatever they do. that's when i start to control not crying in class. mine is the opposite, they are against everything i do, they are against who i am as a person. they can't even accept me the way i am. sometimes i just wish i would just die. you chose to have me and then you can't even love and accept the product you created. you can't even try to make me a happy person. i just can't wait to shift out on my own and be away from them. they think so badly of me and still can say it right out at me. i don't even understand what i did wrong. i'm trying my best and trying so hard to just live and living itself is so hard to even do. sometimes i wish i wasn't born in this family. maybe only my siblings make me think otherwise. in my family, the love between siblings is evidently stronger than the love between parents and children. it's so dysfunctional. and my mom is useless she can't even help me fight for anything she just seems like she's damn scared of my dad. what kind of relationship is that? even my younger bro can stand up for me and keep getting scolded on his own though we were both in it together. it's no wonder my younger bro told me he gave up on this family long time ago it's not even worth his efforts. i don't even know why i'm always trying so hard to make it work to make it functon like a happy one. everything i do i have to fight so hard for it. i have to get so fucking angry i could go mad. and being angry is very unhealthy but they keep making me fume. i have to start banging my tables and wall just to let it all out. i should just bang my head as well. maybe i will lose my memory and become happier. and what my behaviour is very bad i don't even talk to you don't even do anything to you i'm living my own life. who the hell are you to judge who i am?
and actually my love-hate relationship with my mom is better than my almost non existent and only filled with quarrels relationship with my dad. at least there were times i felt really happy chatting with my mom.
love you like a sister;
2:36 pm
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
what's wrong with me?! urgh.
and this is so strange, sometimes i mix up dreams and reality. what a joker.
love you like a sister;
10:45 pm
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
everyday in school i'm like constantly walking in a daze in between lessons during those breaks and stuff. no particular thoughts whatsoever and just trying to keep positive all the time. the only console is that kelvin is in the same school. but not that i see him around very often because our timetables quite different.
the one thing that makes me happy for now is that my com is fixed so it's working pretty well now and i got a new Toshiba white laptop. haha. i am happy with inanimate objects gosh. it's not even people that make me happy it's like my com and laptop. i'm so lame.
anyway i happen to chance upon watching this movie online called clueless from 1995 i always thought it wasn't nice when i saw the poster on imdb but when i watched it, i can't believe it was a chick flick that i've never watched before because it was quite nice to watch.
love you like a sister;
1:28 pm
